MAKING A BABY?

Barney and Blanche were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Barney kissed his wife goodbye and said, “Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.”

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

“Good morning, Ma'am,” he said, “I've come to....”

“Oh, no need to explain,” Blanche cut in, “I've been expecting you.”

“Have you really? Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?”

“Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Well, where do we start?”

“Leave everything to me. I'd like to try the bathtub, the couch, and a couple on the bed. Then we'll go to the living room floor where you can really spread out."

“Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Barney and me!”

“Well, I can't guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.”

“My, that's a lot!,” gasped Blanche.

“Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.”

“Don't I know it,” said Blanche under her breath.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. “This was done on the top of a bus,” he said.

“Oh, my word!” exclaimed Blanche, grasping at her throat.

“And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.”

“She was difficult?” asked Blanche.

“Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look.”

“Four and five deep?”

“Yes, and for more than three hours the mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. When night came I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I had to pack it all in.”

Blanche leaned forward. “Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?”

“It's true. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get started.”

“Tripod?”

“Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.”

That’s when Blanche fainted!