May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastro-enterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber and the I.R.S.
May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.
May New Year's Eve find you seated around the table, together with your beloved family and cherished friends. May you find the food better, the environment quieter, the cost much cheaper, and the pleasure much more fulfilling than anything else you might ordinarily do that night.
May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them. May someone love you enough to forgive your faults, be blind to your blemishes, and tell the world about your virtues.
May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finish dinner, may the commercials on TV not be louder than the program you have been watching, and may your check book and your budget balance - and include generous amounts for charity.
May you remember to say "I love you" at least once a day to your spouse, your child, your parent, your siblings; but not to your secretary, your nurse, your masseuse, your hairdresser or your tennis instructor.
And may we live in a world at peace and with the awareness of God's love in every sunset, every flower's unfolding petals, every baby's smile, every lover's kiss, and every wonderful, astonishing, miraculous beat of our heart.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
A PRAYER FOR THE NEW YEAR
God grant us this year a wider view,
So we see others' faults through the eyes of You.
Teach us to judge not with hasty tongue,
Neither the adult ... nor the young.
Give us patience and grace to endure
And a stronger faith so we feel secure.
Instead of remembering, help us forget
The irritations that caused us to fret.
Freely forgiving for some offence
And finding each day a rich recompense.
In offering a friendly, helping hand
And trying in all ways to understand;
That all of us whoever we are ...
Are trying to reach an unreachable star.
For the great and small ... the good and bad,
The young and old ... the sad and glad
Are asking today; Is life worth living?
The answer is only in, loving and giving.
For only Love can make man kind
And Kindness of Heart brings Peace of Mind.
By giving love, we can help this year
To lift the clouds of hate and fear.
Helen Steiner Rice
So we see others' faults through the eyes of You.
Teach us to judge not with hasty tongue,
Neither the adult ... nor the young.
Give us patience and grace to endure
And a stronger faith so we feel secure.
Instead of remembering, help us forget
The irritations that caused us to fret.
Freely forgiving for some offence
And finding each day a rich recompense.
In offering a friendly, helping hand
And trying in all ways to understand;
That all of us whoever we are ...
Are trying to reach an unreachable star.
For the great and small ... the good and bad,
The young and old ... the sad and glad
Are asking today; Is life worth living?
The answer is only in, loving and giving.
For only Love can make man kind
And Kindness of Heart brings Peace of Mind.
By giving love, we can help this year
To lift the clouds of hate and fear.
Helen Steiner Rice
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Lost and Looking?
Many people who come to see me for intensive therapy totally identify with this song. Written by Bono and released by U2 in 1987, it's still extremely relevant. After reading the lyrics, check out YouTube and listen to this haunting search for purpose and passion in life.
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
I have climbed highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you
I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire
I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well yes I'm still running
You broke the bonds and you
Loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Of my shame
You know I believed it
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for...
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
I have climbed highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you
I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire
I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well yes I'm still running
You broke the bonds and you
Loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Of my shame
You know I believed it
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for...
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
5 More Rules for Healthy Living
1. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her- believe them.
2. Perhaps the best advice your mother gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody!"
3. If you’re over 50, never pass up an opportunity to use the bathroom.
4. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
5. Living well really is the best revenge.
2. Perhaps the best advice your mother gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody!"
3. If you’re over 50, never pass up an opportunity to use the bathroom.
4. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
5. Living well really is the best revenge.
Monday, December 15, 2008
FIVES RULES FOR HEALTHY LIVING
1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
2. Never go anywhere without WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
3. The four most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship– "I apologize" and "You’re right."
4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately– it's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.
2. Never go anywhere without WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
3. The four most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship– "I apologize" and "You’re right."
4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately– it's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
TOO GOOD NOT TO BE TRUE!
Jasper and the Unbaked Yeast Rolls
We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you, who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old child about whom you know nothing and committing to doing your best to be a good parent.
Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me.
Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I should tell you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress.
Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time.
I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend. I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house that worked, thus the assignment.
I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat Thurs am. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for a few hours. Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour. The rolls were ready to go in the oven.
It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated.
I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK, however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night.
God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.
We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog out to relieve himself. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and most of the time when he was walking his front half was going one direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction.
He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence.
His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed drunk.
He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol. Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day.
My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and I, we took off.
Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that's not the worst of it.
Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire trip to Karen's, thankful she didn't live any further away than she did.
Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without running into something. Of course, as the old adage goes, 'what goes in must come out' and Jasper was no exception.
Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen's house. Having discovered his 'packages' on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor.
This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor with stood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure.
We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn't degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too.
Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at Perry's sister's house.
I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door.
It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea. Now, I'm doing research on the computer as to: 'How to clean unbaked dough from the carpet.'
And how was your Thanksgiving Day?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you, who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old child about whom you know nothing and committing to doing your best to be a good parent.
Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me.
Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I should tell you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress.
Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time.
I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend. I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house that worked, thus the assignment.
I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat Thurs am. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for a few hours. Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour. The rolls were ready to go in the oven.
It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated.
I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK, however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night.
God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.
We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog out to relieve himself. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and most of the time when he was walking his front half was going one direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction.
He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence.
His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed drunk.
He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol. Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day.
My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and I, we took off.
Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that's not the worst of it.
Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire trip to Karen's, thankful she didn't live any further away than she did.
Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without running into something. Of course, as the old adage goes, 'what goes in must come out' and Jasper was no exception.
Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen's house. Having discovered his 'packages' on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor.
This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor with stood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure.
We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn't degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too.
Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at Perry's sister's house.
I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door.
It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea. Now, I'm doing research on the computer as to: 'How to clean unbaked dough from the carpet.'
And how was your Thanksgiving Day?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
PUT THE GLASS DOWN
How heavy is a glass of water? Depending on the size of the glass-- maybe 20 grams, or maybe 500 grams? It does not matter on the absolute weight. It depends on how long you hold it.
If you hold it for a minute, it’s okay. If you hold it for an hour, you will have an ache in your arm. If you hold it for a day, somebody will have to call an ambulance. It is the exact same weight, but the longer it’s held, the heavier it becomes. What you have to do is to put the glass down, rest for a while before picking it up again.
Likewise, if we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, we will not be able to carry on because they become increasingly heavier. We have to put down the burden periodically, so that we can be refreshed and are able to carry on.
So, before the day is over, as the old spiritual says, "lay your burden down." You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burden you’re carrying on your shoulders, lay it down for a while. Pick it up again later when you’ve rested.
Rest and Relax.
Life is short, enjoy it!!
If you hold it for a minute, it’s okay. If you hold it for an hour, you will have an ache in your arm. If you hold it for a day, somebody will have to call an ambulance. It is the exact same weight, but the longer it’s held, the heavier it becomes. What you have to do is to put the glass down, rest for a while before picking it up again.
Likewise, if we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, we will not be able to carry on because they become increasingly heavier. We have to put down the burden periodically, so that we can be refreshed and are able to carry on.
So, before the day is over, as the old spiritual says, "lay your burden down." You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burden you’re carrying on your shoulders, lay it down for a while. Pick it up again later when you’ve rested.
Rest and Relax.
Life is short, enjoy it!!
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Making a Baby
Barney and Blanche were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Barney kissed his wife goodbye and said, “Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.”
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
“Good morning, Ma'am,” he said, “I've come to....”
“Oh, no need to explain,” Blanche cut in, “I've been expecting you.”
“Have you really? Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?”
“Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Well, where do we start?”
“Leave everything to me. I'd like to try the bathtub, the couch, and a couple on the bed. Then we'll go to the living room floor where you can really spread out."
“Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Barney and me!”
“Well, I can't guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.”
“My, that's a lot!,” gasped Blanche.
“Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.”
“Don't I know it,” said Blanche under her breath.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. “This was done on the top of a bus,” he said.
“Oh, my word!” exclaimed Blanche, grasping at her throat.
“And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.”
“She was difficult?” asked Blanche.
“Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look.”
“Four and five deep?”
“Yes, and for more than three hours the mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. When night came I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I had to pack it all in.”
Blanche leaned forward. “Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?”
“It's true. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get started.”
“Tripod?”
“Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.”
That’s when Blanche fainted!
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
“Good morning, Ma'am,” he said, “I've come to....”
“Oh, no need to explain,” Blanche cut in, “I've been expecting you.”
“Have you really? Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?”
“Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Well, where do we start?”
“Leave everything to me. I'd like to try the bathtub, the couch, and a couple on the bed. Then we'll go to the living room floor where you can really spread out."
“Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Barney and me!”
“Well, I can't guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.”
“My, that's a lot!,” gasped Blanche.
“Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.”
“Don't I know it,” said Blanche under her breath.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. “This was done on the top of a bus,” he said.
“Oh, my word!” exclaimed Blanche, grasping at her throat.
“And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.”
“She was difficult?” asked Blanche.
“Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look.”
“Four and five deep?”
“Yes, and for more than three hours the mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. When night came I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I had to pack it all in.”
Blanche leaned forward. “Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?”
“It's true. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get started.”
“Tripod?”
“Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.”
That’s when Blanche fainted!
Friday, December 5, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
WHY I LIKE THANKSGIVING THE BEST
Of all the religious or secular hoidays that we celebrate, my favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. There are several reasons for this, of which I'll name a few.
1. Thanksgiving is the least commercialized-- we don't do gifts, or fireworks, or any elaborate decorations.
2. Thanksgiving is about family-- whether your literal family or one you've created.
3. Thanksgiving is about, well, it's about giving thanks. It's about gratitude, appreciation, acknowledgment of what is important in our lives.
4. Thanksgiving is about commemorating the past, and those who've gone before, and about enjoying the present, no matter the circumstances.
5. Thanksgiving is a good reminder that an attitude of gratitude is one of the best human traits any of us can acquire.
What about you? What do you like about Thanksgiving?
1. Thanksgiving is the least commercialized-- we don't do gifts, or fireworks, or any elaborate decorations.
2. Thanksgiving is about family-- whether your literal family or one you've created.
3. Thanksgiving is about, well, it's about giving thanks. It's about gratitude, appreciation, acknowledgment of what is important in our lives.
4. Thanksgiving is about commemorating the past, and those who've gone before, and about enjoying the present, no matter the circumstances.
5. Thanksgiving is a good reminder that an attitude of gratitude is one of the best human traits any of us can acquire.
What about you? What do you like about Thanksgiving?
Monday, November 24, 2008
Things you’ll never hear a redneck say...
"You can’t feed that to the dog."
"Wrasslin’s fake."
"I thought Graceland was tacky."
"Who’s Richard Petty?"
"I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl."
"Checkmate."
"Does this salad bar have bean sprouts?"
"She’s too old to be wearing that bikini."
"Alex, I’ll take Shakespeare for $100."
"Wrasslin’s fake."
"I thought Graceland was tacky."
"Who’s Richard Petty?"
"I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl."
"Checkmate."
"Does this salad bar have bean sprouts?"
"She’s too old to be wearing that bikini."
"Alex, I’ll take Shakespeare for $100."
Thursday, November 20, 2008
3 More Crucial Lessons in Life
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.' The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
B.S. might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.' The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
B.S. might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
CRUCIAL LESSONS IN LIFE
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone. 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone. 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
WORDS TO PONDER
The most destructive habit? Worry.
The greatest joy? Giving.
The greatest loss? Loss of self-respect.
The most satisfying work? Helping others.
The ugliest personality trait? Self-centeredness.
The most endangered species? Dedicated leaders.
Our greatest natural resource? Our youth.
The greatest "shot in the arm"? Encouragement.
The greatest problem to overcome? Fear.
The most effective sleeping pill? Peace of mind.
The most crippling failure disease? Excuses.
The most powerful force in life? Love.
The greatest joy? Giving.
The greatest loss? Loss of self-respect.
The most satisfying work? Helping others.
The ugliest personality trait? Self-centeredness.
The most endangered species? Dedicated leaders.
Our greatest natural resource? Our youth.
The greatest "shot in the arm"? Encouragement.
The greatest problem to overcome? Fear.
The most effective sleeping pill? Peace of mind.
The most crippling failure disease? Excuses.
The most powerful force in life? Love.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
"HUMOROUS ADVICE" FROM ANGRY WOMEN
1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same- they just have different faces, so you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him check books.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same- they just have different faces, so you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him check books.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
FROM ONE FRIEND TO ANOTHER
When you are sad... I will dry your tears.
When you are scared... I will comfort your fears.
When you are worried... I will give you hope.
When you are confused... I will help you cope.
And when you are lost... and can't see the light,
I shall be your beacon... shining ever so bright.
This is my oath... I pledge till the end.
Why you may ask? Because you're my friend.
When you are scared... I will comfort your fears.
When you are worried... I will give you hope.
When you are confused... I will help you cope.
And when you are lost... and can't see the light,
I shall be your beacon... shining ever so bright.
This is my oath... I pledge till the end.
Why you may ask? Because you're my friend.
THE COLOR PURPLE
Introducing herself, she said, "I grew up in the color purple." She went on to explain that she had survived her childhood in a terrible ghetto in Mississippi and had scratched and clawed her way to a high ranking position as a military chaplain.
With advanced degrees in theology, psychology, and personnel management she had a very impressive resume. But she was not happy.
Later in a therapy session, she cried out in deep despair, "Grandmama you told me with a good education, I could leave the ghetto behind. Grandmama, you were wrong. I got the good education but the ghetto is still living inside." And that was the beginning of her journey toward wholeness.
When will we ever learn? You can't fix inside problems with outside solutions. She couldn't, neither can you.
With advanced degrees in theology, psychology, and personnel management she had a very impressive resume. But she was not happy.
Later in a therapy session, she cried out in deep despair, "Grandmama you told me with a good education, I could leave the ghetto behind. Grandmama, you were wrong. I got the good education but the ghetto is still living inside." And that was the beginning of her journey toward wholeness.
When will we ever learn? You can't fix inside problems with outside solutions. She couldn't, neither can you.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Quotes from Fr. John Powell
If I am to tell you who I really am,
I must tell you about my feelings.
The sun only shines, just as God only loves.
It is the nature of the sun to shine;
It is the nature of God to love.
Fully alive people are sensitively aware
Of all that is good in themselves.
Love is practiced in the act of sharing...
Communication is the very essence of love in practice.
Whatever my secrets are,
Remember when I entrust them to you,
They are part of me.
I must tell you about my feelings.
The sun only shines, just as God only loves.
It is the nature of the sun to shine;
It is the nature of God to love.
Fully alive people are sensitively aware
Of all that is good in themselves.
Love is practiced in the act of sharing...
Communication is the very essence of love in practice.
Whatever my secrets are,
Remember when I entrust them to you,
They are part of me.
Monday, October 13, 2008
PERKS FOR BEING OVER 60
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run-- anywhere.
4. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
5. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
6. Things you buy now won't wear out.
7. Your secrets are safe with friends because they can't remember them either.
8. Your joints are more accurate forecasters than the national weather service.
9. You can sing along with elevator music.
10.You can live without sex but not your glasses.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run-- anywhere.
4. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
5. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
6. Things you buy now won't wear out.
7. Your secrets are safe with friends because they can't remember them either.
8. Your joints are more accurate forecasters than the national weather service.
9. You can sing along with elevator music.
10.You can live without sex but not your glasses.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
From Senator Barry Goldwater-- 9/16/81
RELIGIOUS FREEDOM
On religious issues there can be little or no compromise. There is no position on which people are so immovable as their religious beliefs. There is no more powerful ally one can claim in a debate than Jesus Christ, or God, or Allah, or whatever one calls this supreme being.
But like any powerful weapon, the use of God's name on one's behalf should be used sparingly. The religious factions that are growing throughout our land are not using their religious clout with wisdom. They are trying to force government leaders into following their position 100 percent. If you disagree with these religious groups on a particular moral issue, they complain, they threaten you with a loss of money or votes or both.
I'm frankly sick and tired of the political preachers across this country telling me as a citizen that if I want to be a moral person, I must believe in 'A,' 'B,' 'C,' and 'D.' Just who do they think they are? And from where do they presume to claim the right to dictate their moral beliefs to me?
And I am even more angry as a legislator who must endure the threats of every religious group who thinks it has some God-granted right to control my vote on every roll call in the Senate. I am warning them today: I will fight them every step of the way if they try to dictate their moral convictions to all Americans in the name of 'conservatism'.
On religious issues there can be little or no compromise. There is no position on which people are so immovable as their religious beliefs. There is no more powerful ally one can claim in a debate than Jesus Christ, or God, or Allah, or whatever one calls this supreme being.
But like any powerful weapon, the use of God's name on one's behalf should be used sparingly. The religious factions that are growing throughout our land are not using their religious clout with wisdom. They are trying to force government leaders into following their position 100 percent. If you disagree with these religious groups on a particular moral issue, they complain, they threaten you with a loss of money or votes or both.
I'm frankly sick and tired of the political preachers across this country telling me as a citizen that if I want to be a moral person, I must believe in 'A,' 'B,' 'C,' and 'D.' Just who do they think they are? And from where do they presume to claim the right to dictate their moral beliefs to me?
And I am even more angry as a legislator who must endure the threats of every religious group who thinks it has some God-granted right to control my vote on every roll call in the Senate. I am warning them today: I will fight them every step of the way if they try to dictate their moral convictions to all Americans in the name of 'conservatism'.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Tag Line-- Grace Cathedral (San Francisco)
"Reconnecting your Spirit without disconnecting your Mind."
Quotes from Henry Sloane Coffin-- former Chaplain at Yale University
"Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat."
"Every nation makes decisions based on self-interest and then defends them in the name of morality."
"Hell is truth seen too late."
"Nationalism, at the expense of another nation, is just as wicked as racism at the expense of another race."
"Love measures our stature: the more we love the bigger we are."
"There is no smaller package in all the world than that of a man all wrapped up in himself."
"The glory of God is a human being fully alive."
"Every nation makes decisions based on self-interest and then defends them in the name of morality."
"Hell is truth seen too late."
"Nationalism, at the expense of another nation, is just as wicked as racism at the expense of another race."
"Love measures our stature: the more we love the bigger we are."
"There is no smaller package in all the world than that of a man all wrapped up in himself."
"The glory of God is a human being fully alive."
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
WAR IS A RACKET
War is a racket. It always has been.
It is possibly the oldest, easily the most profitable,
surely the most vicious.
It is the only one international in scope.
It is the only one in which the profits are reckoned
in dollars and the losses in lives.
A racket is best described, I believe, as something
that is not what it seems to the majority of people.
Only a small “inside” group knows what it is about.
It is conducted for the benefit of the very few, at the expense of the very many.
Out of war a few people make huge fortunes.
Major General Smedley D. Butler
US Marine Corps
Two-time winner Congressional Medal of Honor
1935
It is possibly the oldest, easily the most profitable,
surely the most vicious.
It is the only one international in scope.
It is the only one in which the profits are reckoned
in dollars and the losses in lives.
A racket is best described, I believe, as something
that is not what it seems to the majority of people.
Only a small “inside” group knows what it is about.
It is conducted for the benefit of the very few, at the expense of the very many.
Out of war a few people make huge fortunes.
Major General Smedley D. Butler
US Marine Corps
Two-time winner Congressional Medal of Honor
1935
MISDIRECTED ANGER
She was angry. I mean angrrrry! Actually she was enraged and her husband was the villian and the victim. In her eyes, her fury was justified because of his infidelity more than two years prior. Yet, with alot of marital therapy, she professed to have "forgiven him." However, every time he did the slightest thing to irritate her, she exploded with profane name calling and at times threw dishes at him or whatever else was handy.
Did she have a right to be mad because of his indiscretion? Yes. Was she justified in her outrageous behavior? No. Due to having forgiven him, at least intellectually, was the intensity of her anger (two years after the transgression) excessive? Without question. Why? Why did she still have a hair trigger for unloading on her husband? The answer? Her intense anger was grossly misdirected. Why do I say that? Because...
As a girl, she had been physically and sexually abused by her brother, uncle, and a teenage boyfriend who was a sexual bully and she was his prey. All three of these men were sexual predators but due to a lack of opportunity to direct her anger at the appropriate men, she had transferred it all to her husband. She certainly had grounds to be angry at her husband but he didn't deserve the rage that had been caused by these other men in her life.
With some intensive therapy, she unloaded a lot of baggage in the right direction, got some healing, and with time and hard work, she stopped raging at her husband.
If you're misdirecting anger, you're probably hurting some undeserving people. Some good therapy could be extremely valuable to you and them.
Did she have a right to be mad because of his indiscretion? Yes. Was she justified in her outrageous behavior? No. Due to having forgiven him, at least intellectually, was the intensity of her anger (two years after the transgression) excessive? Without question. Why? Why did she still have a hair trigger for unloading on her husband? The answer? Her intense anger was grossly misdirected. Why do I say that? Because...
As a girl, she had been physically and sexually abused by her brother, uncle, and a teenage boyfriend who was a sexual bully and she was his prey. All three of these men were sexual predators but due to a lack of opportunity to direct her anger at the appropriate men, she had transferred it all to her husband. She certainly had grounds to be angry at her husband but he didn't deserve the rage that had been caused by these other men in her life.
With some intensive therapy, she unloaded a lot of baggage in the right direction, got some healing, and with time and hard work, she stopped raging at her husband.
If you're misdirecting anger, you're probably hurting some undeserving people. Some good therapy could be extremely valuable to you and them.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
In Case You're Ever on Jeopardy
There are 95 cities in China with population of 1 million or more. How many cities in the USA have 1 million or more? Six! What's the point? There are a lot of folks in China!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, September 15, 2008
HUMOR THERAPY
A Dozen Ways to Aid "Going Sane"
1. At lunch time, sit In your car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars-- then count the number of cars that slow down!
2. Page yourself over the intercom and don't disguise your voice.
3. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine highs, switch to Espresso.
4. In The Memo Field of all your checks, write For Smuggling Diamonds.
5. Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
6. Next time you go out to eat, order a diet water.
7. Next time you get a burger at a drive-through, say, "This order is to go."
8. Five days In advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because
you'll be having a bad day.
9. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!"
10. When leaving the zoo, run toward the parking lot, yelling
"Run for your lives! They're loose!"
11. Over dinner, announce to your children, "Due to the economy, we have to let one of you go."
12. And the final way to continue Going Sane .
Send "humor therapy" to everyone in your address book!
1. At lunch time, sit In your car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars-- then count the number of cars that slow down!
2. Page yourself over the intercom and don't disguise your voice.
3. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine highs, switch to Espresso.
4. In The Memo Field of all your checks, write For Smuggling Diamonds.
5. Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
6. Next time you go out to eat, order a diet water.
7. Next time you get a burger at a drive-through, say, "This order is to go."
8. Five days In advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because
you'll be having a bad day.
9. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!"
10. When leaving the zoo, run toward the parking lot, yelling
"Run for your lives! They're loose!"
11. Over dinner, announce to your children, "Due to the economy, we have to let one of you go."
12. And the final way to continue Going Sane .
Send "humor therapy" to everyone in your address book!
Friday, September 12, 2008
Funny Bones
Man who run in front of car get tired.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE-- THESE ARE FUNNY!!!!!!!!!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE-- THESE ARE FUNNY!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
9/11/2001
Where were you when you got the news on 9/11? No doubt every reader of this column can remember it all too well. Among the many things that strike me as I reminisce about that infamous day, and the days that followed, is the sense of unity that pervaded our nation. We were "one" for a time like no other in my memory and our country had support and empathy from people around the world, that too, like no other in my lifetime.
But, as Bob Dylan said, "Things Have Changed" and have they ever?! Why? How could this have happened? How could we have been so unified seven years ago and so divided today? How could we go from being globally surrounded with support from countries near and far, to being in the exact opposite position today? I won't try to answer for you but I have my own opinion and I'll just leave it at that.
And once again I'll pause to remember 9/11/01. Will you join me?
But, as Bob Dylan said, "Things Have Changed" and have they ever?! Why? How could this have happened? How could we have been so unified seven years ago and so divided today? How could we go from being globally surrounded with support from countries near and far, to being in the exact opposite position today? I won't try to answer for you but I have my own opinion and I'll just leave it at that.
And once again I'll pause to remember 9/11/01. Will you join me?
Life's Three-legged Stool
A well-balanced life is like a three-legged stool.
You need WORK that you believe in;
SOMETHING to look forward to;
And SOMEONE to share with at a deep emotional level.
If you have all three legs going in your life, you are in good balance and well-integrated. With two legs you can make it, though you have to sit on the stool cautiously. If you sit on the stool with great concentration and determination,you can even survive with one leg. But if all three legs are missing or greatly impaired? Your bottom is on the ground!
People who seek therapy often need help in one of these three areas. If your life isn't working to suit you, take a look at your three-legged stool. Do you believe in your WORK? What are you LOOKING FORWARD TO? Do you have SOMEONE to share with at a deep level?
By the way, these three legs translate-- faith, hope, and love.
You need WORK that you believe in;
SOMETHING to look forward to;
And SOMEONE to share with at a deep emotional level.
If you have all three legs going in your life, you are in good balance and well-integrated. With two legs you can make it, though you have to sit on the stool cautiously. If you sit on the stool with great concentration and determination,you can even survive with one leg. But if all three legs are missing or greatly impaired? Your bottom is on the ground!
People who seek therapy often need help in one of these three areas. If your life isn't working to suit you, take a look at your three-legged stool. Do you believe in your WORK? What are you LOOKING FORWARD TO? Do you have SOMEONE to share with at a deep level?
By the way, these three legs translate-- faith, hope, and love.
Monday, August 18, 2008
THE FATHER WOUND IS HARD TO HEAL
He was 45 years old, had three earned doctorates, was president of a prestigious private college , which was his alma mater and his life-long dream.
He came in for intensive therapy, in his words, "Because I still feel like a 12-year-old boy trying to get my father's approval." He went on, "No matter what I did, it was never enough for my father. And as an adult, after each of my achievements, I feel good about myself for a brief period, then the cloud of despair settles in and I feel like I did at age 12, inadequate, inferior, and hopeless."
Like so many in our culture, this man had been taught that the sunlight of self-esteem would shine brightly through the window of academia and accomplishment. But it isn't so. High achievement is never a permanent cure for a man or woman with a father wound.
The man in this story found some healing for his father wound, with a stroke of sanity, so can you.
He came in for intensive therapy, in his words, "Because I still feel like a 12-year-old boy trying to get my father's approval." He went on, "No matter what I did, it was never enough for my father. And as an adult, after each of my achievements, I feel good about myself for a brief period, then the cloud of despair settles in and I feel like I did at age 12, inadequate, inferior, and hopeless."
Like so many in our culture, this man had been taught that the sunlight of self-esteem would shine brightly through the window of academia and accomplishment. But it isn't so. High achievement is never a permanent cure for a man or woman with a father wound.
The man in this story found some healing for his father wound, with a stroke of sanity, so can you.
Friday, August 8, 2008
BAD IDEAS
Few things die harder than a bad idea. Reason being, so often a bad idea is rooted in the core part of our life script, woven into the inner fabric of who we are. If you'll pardon the trendy metaphor-- A bad idea may be programmed onto the hard drive of our personalities.
Die-hard bad ideas that I've heard in therapy include:
1. Marrying the right person will make you happy. Bad idea.
2. Getting a good education will make you happy. Bad idea.
3. Finding a good job will make you happy. Bad idea.
4. Acquiring lots of possessions, will make you happy. Bad idea.
5. Having children will make you happy. Bad idea.
Happiness is an inside job that never comes permanently from many of our die-hard, bad ideas.
Few things die harder than a bad idea. If one is contributing to your unhappiness, get a reality check, have a stroke of sanity-- get some help.
Die-hard bad ideas that I've heard in therapy include:
1. Marrying the right person will make you happy. Bad idea.
2. Getting a good education will make you happy. Bad idea.
3. Finding a good job will make you happy. Bad idea.
4. Acquiring lots of possessions, will make you happy. Bad idea.
5. Having children will make you happy. Bad idea.
Happiness is an inside job that never comes permanently from many of our die-hard, bad ideas.
Few things die harder than a bad idea. If one is contributing to your unhappiness, get a reality check, have a stroke of sanity-- get some help.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
FUNNY STORY (Not For Seniors Only)
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the Seniors Special was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $4.99.
"Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs."
"Then, I'll have to charge you $5.49 because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.
"You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously.
"YES!!" stated the waitress.
"I'll take the special then." my wife said.
"How do you want your eggs?" the waitress asked.
"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home.
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!
WE'VE been around the block more than once!
"Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs."
"Then, I'll have to charge you $5.49 because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.
"You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously.
"YES!!" stated the waitress.
"I'll take the special then." my wife said.
"How do you want your eggs?" the waitress asked.
"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home.
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!
WE'VE been around the block more than once!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
ONE MAN'S TRASH... PART 2
In today’s world, going out to eat in restaurants is the norm for folks in all levels of socio-economics. From the richest of the rich to the poorest of the poor– people go out to restaurants at least occasionally for a meal. That was not so in most of the middle-class families of the 50's when the majority, seldom if ever, went “out to dinner.” But today (and it’s been that way for decades) going out to eat is common, which brings me to my story– another story showing that nearly everything in life is relative.
Dorothy and Bill (not their real names) were in their 50's when they came to Memphis to do a marriage intensive with me. Coming from the hill country of Texas, they were a hard working middle class couple whose marriage of 25 years had reached some very rough water and they were using the “D” word much too frequently.
At the end of the first day in therapy (which was six straight hours), Dorothy said to me, “Now, I told Bill, while we’re in Memphis this week, when we go out to dinner, we’re not eating at MacDonald’s every night. You see, I was born in France, and we French are gourmet, and at least one night while we’re here, we’ve going to eat at Shoney’s!”
Sheepishly, she asked. “Dr. Don, do you think that’s asking too much?” I replied. “No. That’s not asking too much. In fact, as part of your therapy, I’m assigning that scoundrel to take you to Shoney’s twice! Okay, Bill?”
He nodded, she smiled and thanked me, they left arm and arm and I learned that same old lesson once again– nearly everything in life is relative. For some folks, eating at Shoney’s is hardly a treat, for others, it’s gourmet!
Dorothy and Bill (not their real names) were in their 50's when they came to Memphis to do a marriage intensive with me. Coming from the hill country of Texas, they were a hard working middle class couple whose marriage of 25 years had reached some very rough water and they were using the “D” word much too frequently.
At the end of the first day in therapy (which was six straight hours), Dorothy said to me, “Now, I told Bill, while we’re in Memphis this week, when we go out to dinner, we’re not eating at MacDonald’s every night. You see, I was born in France, and we French are gourmet, and at least one night while we’re here, we’ve going to eat at Shoney’s!”
Sheepishly, she asked. “Dr. Don, do you think that’s asking too much?” I replied. “No. That’s not asking too much. In fact, as part of your therapy, I’m assigning that scoundrel to take you to Shoney’s twice! Okay, Bill?”
He nodded, she smiled and thanked me, they left arm and arm and I learned that same old lesson once again– nearly everything in life is relative. For some folks, eating at Shoney’s is hardly a treat, for others, it’s gourmet!
Saturday, July 19, 2008
ONE MAN’S TRASH...
One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Thus goes the maxim. Does that mean everything is relative? Answering that question or debating that topic would require more than this article will allow. So, this piece will steer clear of the concept of moral relativism and focus instead on the issue of attitudional and experiential relativism which will require at least two posts, maybe more. To begin this discussion, I'll tell a story-- no surprise there, huh?!
At the time this story occured, my office was on the PGA Tournament Players Club on the Southwind Golf Course. Fifty feet from the second green of this multi-million dollar golf course, to say my office had a great view is a gross understatement which is crucial for the story about Ralph (not his real name.)
In his mid-30's, Ralph was a blue collar laborer who lived pay check to pay check with his wife and young child. As he entered my office, the first time he came to see me, he walked straight to the twelve-foot ceiling to floor plate glass windows that looked out on the fairway. Standing there staring, he shook his head.
Sensing his awe, I said, “Pretty sight, huh?!” “Wow. This view is amazing!” “You play golf, do you?” I asked. And in a gesture that looked exactly like Barney Fife, he turned to me, pulled at his belt and said, “Yeah I do. I play a little Putt Putt now and then.” And he was totally serious.
What did I say? Nothing! I bit my lip, ducked into my break room, poured a hot cup of coffee, took a swig in hopes the burn would keep me from bursting into an embarrassing belly laugh.
Ater listening to Ralph for a while, I shamefully realized for the umpteenth time in my life that life really is relative. To some of us playing golf on a Tournament Players course and playing Putt Putt are worlds apart, but to this man and multiplied millions, they are totally equal-- just recreation, diversion, and a game.
Thank you Ralph, I needed that to remind that all of us really are just bozos on the same bus.
At the time this story occured, my office was on the PGA Tournament Players Club on the Southwind Golf Course. Fifty feet from the second green of this multi-million dollar golf course, to say my office had a great view is a gross understatement which is crucial for the story about Ralph (not his real name.)
In his mid-30's, Ralph was a blue collar laborer who lived pay check to pay check with his wife and young child. As he entered my office, the first time he came to see me, he walked straight to the twelve-foot ceiling to floor plate glass windows that looked out on the fairway. Standing there staring, he shook his head.
Sensing his awe, I said, “Pretty sight, huh?!” “Wow. This view is amazing!” “You play golf, do you?” I asked. And in a gesture that looked exactly like Barney Fife, he turned to me, pulled at his belt and said, “Yeah I do. I play a little Putt Putt now and then.” And he was totally serious.
What did I say? Nothing! I bit my lip, ducked into my break room, poured a hot cup of coffee, took a swig in hopes the burn would keep me from bursting into an embarrassing belly laugh.
Ater listening to Ralph for a while, I shamefully realized for the umpteenth time in my life that life really is relative. To some of us playing golf on a Tournament Players course and playing Putt Putt are worlds apart, but to this man and multiplied millions, they are totally equal-- just recreation, diversion, and a game.
Thank you Ralph, I needed that to remind that all of us really are just bozos on the same bus.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
ON THE OTHER HAND...
A former lawyer and judge, Noah S. 'Soggy' Sweat Jr., delivery his famous "Whiskey Speech" in 1952. The ''Whisky Speech'' was political doubletalk at its finest. The speech was delivered in response to the issue of legalizing the sale of liquor in Mississippi. In light of this being a huge election year, it seems appropriate to include this political sidestepping classic.
My friends, I had not intended to discuss this controversial subject at this particular time. However, I want you to know that I do not shun controversy. On the contrary, I will take a stand on any issue at any time, regardless of how fraught with controversy it might be. You have asked me how I feel about whisky. All right, here is how I feel about whisky.
If when you say whisky you mean the devil's brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster, that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean the evil drink that topples the Christian man and woman from the pinnacle of righteous, gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, and despair, and shame and helplessness, and hopelessness, then certainly I am against it.
But, iIf when you say whisky you mean the oil of conversation, the philosophic wine, the ale that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and laughter on their lips, and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer; if you mean the stimulating drink that puts the spring in the old gentleman's step on a frosty, crispy morning; if you mean the drink which enables a man to magnify his joy, and his happiness, and to forget, if only for a little while, life's great tragedies, and heartaches, and sorrows; if you mean that drink, the sale of which pours into our treasuries untold millions of dollars, which are used to provide tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitiful aged and infirm; to build highways and hospitals and schools, then certainly I am for it.
This is my stand. I will not retreat from it. I will not compromise.
My friends, I had not intended to discuss this controversial subject at this particular time. However, I want you to know that I do not shun controversy. On the contrary, I will take a stand on any issue at any time, regardless of how fraught with controversy it might be. You have asked me how I feel about whisky. All right, here is how I feel about whisky.
If when you say whisky you mean the devil's brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster, that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean the evil drink that topples the Christian man and woman from the pinnacle of righteous, gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, and despair, and shame and helplessness, and hopelessness, then certainly I am against it.
But, iIf when you say whisky you mean the oil of conversation, the philosophic wine, the ale that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and laughter on their lips, and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer; if you mean the stimulating drink that puts the spring in the old gentleman's step on a frosty, crispy morning; if you mean the drink which enables a man to magnify his joy, and his happiness, and to forget, if only for a little while, life's great tragedies, and heartaches, and sorrows; if you mean that drink, the sale of which pours into our treasuries untold millions of dollars, which are used to provide tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitiful aged and infirm; to build highways and hospitals and schools, then certainly I am for it.
This is my stand. I will not retreat from it. I will not compromise.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Truman Said It
Capote that is-- in the introduction to In Cold Blood.
"We all have our souls and we all have our facades, and then there's something in between that makes us function as people."
What do you think about this quote from Truman Capote.
"We all have our souls and we all have our facades, and then there's something in between that makes us function as people."
What do you think about this quote from Truman Capote.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
PARENTS GROW, TOO
The growth and evolution of parents in multi-children families is quite interesting, remarkable, and at times down right humorous. Let me explain.
If an honest confession is good for the soul, then I'll take my turn in the tank.
Take pictures of our three children. Matt was born in 1964 and over the next four years, Martha and I made rolls of home movies of that little guy. I spliced them together and in our collection is at least two solid hours of Matt-- just Matt. Born four years later, we also made home movies of Leanne, but that reel is at best 45 minutes long. Chad came along four years later and we made a couple of snapshots of him with a box camera!
Take illnesses. If Matt had the sniffles, we called the pediatrician. If Leanne had 102 fever, we gave her a cool bath and a baby aspirin and rocked her to sleep. If Chad swallowed a quarter, I took it out of his allowance!
Now, of course, you know none of the above is totally true but it does have an element of truth in it-- as parents grow with the process of parenting they become much more reasonable, relaxed, and confident.
So, to all you young parents, stay cool, it'll be alright. To all you older parents, tell those younger parents that what I've just said is true.
If an honest confession is good for the soul, then I'll take my turn in the tank.
Take pictures of our three children. Matt was born in 1964 and over the next four years, Martha and I made rolls of home movies of that little guy. I spliced them together and in our collection is at least two solid hours of Matt-- just Matt. Born four years later, we also made home movies of Leanne, but that reel is at best 45 minutes long. Chad came along four years later and we made a couple of snapshots of him with a box camera!
Take illnesses. If Matt had the sniffles, we called the pediatrician. If Leanne had 102 fever, we gave her a cool bath and a baby aspirin and rocked her to sleep. If Chad swallowed a quarter, I took it out of his allowance!
Now, of course, you know none of the above is totally true but it does have an element of truth in it-- as parents grow with the process of parenting they become much more reasonable, relaxed, and confident.
So, to all you young parents, stay cool, it'll be alright. To all you older parents, tell those younger parents that what I've just said is true.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
FUNNY BONES
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke .
Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke .
Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Dr. Doyle on Marriage and Divorce
This video is from an interview for divorce-parenting.com Click the link to watch.
Right click the link below and choose "open in a new window" or "new tab"
http://tiny-link.com/vl.asp?h=48311094483QWRWJQ&l=
Right click the link below and choose "open in a new window" or "new tab"
http://tiny-link.com/vl.asp?h=48311094483QWRWJQ&l=
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
JUST FOR FUN
Bubba, while not the brightest bulb in a socket, was a gifted portrait artist. His fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming to him for paintings.
One day a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a stretch limo. She asked Bubba if he would paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made just a request. The beautiful lady said money was no object; she was willing to pay $50,000.
Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Bubba asked the lady to wait while he went in the house and conferred with Betty Lou, his wife. In a few minutes he returned and said to the lady, "Okay, I'll paint ya nekkid, but I'll have ta leave my socks on, so's I can have some place to wipe my brushes."
One day a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a stretch limo. She asked Bubba if he would paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made just a request. The beautiful lady said money was no object; she was willing to pay $50,000.
Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Bubba asked the lady to wait while he went in the house and conferred with Betty Lou, his wife. In a few minutes he returned and said to the lady, "Okay, I'll paint ya nekkid, but I'll have ta leave my socks on, so's I can have some place to wipe my brushes."
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
THE SKIN HORSE
In her classic children's book, The Velveteen Rabbit, Margery Williams has the skin horse to say, "Once you're real, you can never be unreal again."
What a powerful description of what it means to take off our masks, drop our labels, prejudices, denials, and defenses. Far too often, in order to dodge disapproval, we squelch our true opinions; due to the fear of rejection, we silence our beliefs; to avoid confrontation, we sacrifice our personal truth.
In so doing, we accept the slavery of unreal living in order to avert rejection and disapproval. But living that isn't real, isn't living at all.
One of the great satisfactions of being a therapist, comes through seeing people set aside the bondage of masks, labels, and defenses and emerge as real, never to be unreal again.
What a powerful description of what it means to take off our masks, drop our labels, prejudices, denials, and defenses. Far too often, in order to dodge disapproval, we squelch our true opinions; due to the fear of rejection, we silence our beliefs; to avoid confrontation, we sacrifice our personal truth.
In so doing, we accept the slavery of unreal living in order to avert rejection and disapproval. But living that isn't real, isn't living at all.
One of the great satisfactions of being a therapist, comes through seeing people set aside the bondage of masks, labels, and defenses and emerge as real, never to be unreal again.
Friday, June 27, 2008
PARENTS DON'T HAVE A CHANCE
Many years ago, I overheard this conversation from a father trying to communicate with his four-year-old son. I might add, the father only had four levels of communication-- loud, louder, loudest, and off the chart. A former Marine drill sergeant, even when he said, "Good morning!" you thought you needed to snap your heels together and salute. Here's the transaction.
"Marvin, don't take that glass!" A few seconds later and louder, "Marvin, give me that glass!!" Another few seconds and even louder, "Marvin, don't drop that glass!!!" And then the clincher and off the chart, "Marvin, don't step in that glass!!!!"
Parents don't have a chance, do they? Not much at least. It's either too much or too little; too soon or too late; too strict or too lenient.
Parenting is an incredibly tough job and nobody is an expert, including the experts. Having raised three kids, and having worked with families for many years, I have a deep sensitivity to parents.
One of the encouraging signs today, is the willingness of parents to seek professional help with their children and adolescents. As a result, many problems are solved earlier rather later before they excalate to something bigger.
Parents, help is available, don't wait till Marvin steps in the glass.
"Marvin, don't take that glass!" A few seconds later and louder, "Marvin, give me that glass!!" Another few seconds and even louder, "Marvin, don't drop that glass!!!" And then the clincher and off the chart, "Marvin, don't step in that glass!!!!"
Parents don't have a chance, do they? Not much at least. It's either too much or too little; too soon or too late; too strict or too lenient.
Parenting is an incredibly tough job and nobody is an expert, including the experts. Having raised three kids, and having worked with families for many years, I have a deep sensitivity to parents.
One of the encouraging signs today, is the willingness of parents to seek professional help with their children and adolescents. As a result, many problems are solved earlier rather later before they excalate to something bigger.
Parents, help is available, don't wait till Marvin steps in the glass.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY
Never give up on a man until he has failed at something he likes.
Those who say it can't be done are usually interrupted by others doing it.
Beauty as we feel it is something indescribable. What it is or what it means can never be said.
Nobody has ever bet enough on a winning horse.
A thick skin is a gift from God.
Those who say it can't be done are usually interrupted by others doing it.
Beauty as we feel it is something indescribable. What it is or what it means can never be said.
Nobody has ever bet enough on a winning horse.
A thick skin is a gift from God.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
JUST FOR FUN
My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't .
Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
I have a degree in Liberal Arts; do you want fries with that?
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
I have a degree in Liberal Arts; do you want fries with that?
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
THE PARADOX OF MARRIAGE
Marriage is one of life's greatest paradoxes-- it's the source of life's greatest pleasure and the source of life's greatest pain. Frequently the same relationship is the source of both these experiences. How could this be? Doesn't make sense does it? Maybe it does.
A great relationship, that produces intense pleasure, is the product of emotional intimacy, which comes through being open, honest, and vulnerable. And vulnerability is the window through which blows the warm breeze of pleasure and the cold wind of pain.
In fact, you can't have it both ways-- open to the pleasure and protected from the pain. Intimacy is not a semi--permeable membrane that lets the pleasure through and filters out the pain.
The good news is, with some efficient help, a relationship that is experiencing great pain is normally not very far from recovering the pleasure.
A great relationship, that produces intense pleasure, is the product of emotional intimacy, which comes through being open, honest, and vulnerable. And vulnerability is the window through which blows the warm breeze of pleasure and the cold wind of pain.
In fact, you can't have it both ways-- open to the pleasure and protected from the pain. Intimacy is not a semi--permeable membrane that lets the pleasure through and filters out the pain.
The good news is, with some efficient help, a relationship that is experiencing great pain is normally not very far from recovering the pleasure.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
THE GUILT-RIDDEN MISSIONARY
For more than 20 years, he'd been a missionary to the far east, with a sterling record of ministry in starting missions and helping churches. But he was terribly depressed and walked around bent forward, head down, looking at the ground most of the time.
In therapy he told his secret-- he was addicted to pornography and had been all his adult life. His life-long poor self-image was exacerbated by guilt from his actions and the terror of being caught. Depression was the residue from it all.
Depression isn't a feeling, it's the result of feelings that are unexpressed and unfinished, like shame, fear, guilt, anger.
Healing begins when the secret is out-- it did for this man of the cloth-- who now stands tall and proud. Telling the secret does not automatically fix the problem but it is the required first step.
In therapy he told his secret-- he was addicted to pornography and had been all his adult life. His life-long poor self-image was exacerbated by guilt from his actions and the terror of being caught. Depression was the residue from it all.
Depression isn't a feeling, it's the result of feelings that are unexpressed and unfinished, like shame, fear, guilt, anger.
Healing begins when the secret is out-- it did for this man of the cloth-- who now stands tall and proud. Telling the secret does not automatically fix the problem but it is the required first step.
Friday, June 20, 2008
DEALING WITH LOSS
Grief is the process we go through over losing that which we value. The depth of your grief is directly proportional to the amount of your self-worth that is invested in that which is lost.
So, losing a mate, or a job, or losing your health, or a child leaving home, or moving to a new city or new house, brings the experience of grief.
Few things are as common to our lives, yet handled so poorly as grief; primarily because our culture teaches DENIAL as the method of choice in dealing with loss. "Don't cry out loud, just keep it inside and learn out to hide your feelings" was the way the classic song from '79 said it.
We can and do heal from our losses, big and small, but never until we get past denial. People in therapy often discover that unfinished grief work is the underlying cause of their life's dysfunction. It might be the same for you.
So, losing a mate, or a job, or losing your health, or a child leaving home, or moving to a new city or new house, brings the experience of grief.
Few things are as common to our lives, yet handled so poorly as grief; primarily because our culture teaches DENIAL as the method of choice in dealing with loss. "Don't cry out loud, just keep it inside and learn out to hide your feelings" was the way the classic song from '79 said it.
We can and do heal from our losses, big and small, but never until we get past denial. People in therapy often discover that unfinished grief work is the underlying cause of their life's dysfunction. It might be the same for you.
A MUCH TOO COMMON STORY
As a high school senior, he set three goals for himself-- be an All--American football player, marry a beauty queen, and make a million dollars before he was 30.
He made All--American twice, married two beauty queens, made two million dollars before he was 30 and when I met him in therapy he had just tried to kill himself. Attaining all of his life-long goals and still feeling miserable about himself, brought unbearable despair and he tried to end his life.
He hated himself and his childhood history but he was taught and promised that he could overcome his past, could feel good about himself, IF he set some high goals and reached them.
But it didn't work for him and it won't work for you or me, because "you can never get enough of what you don't need."
Fortunately, this man got another chance and this time he focused on the inside rather than the outside and it worked.
He made All--American twice, married two beauty queens, made two million dollars before he was 30 and when I met him in therapy he had just tried to kill himself. Attaining all of his life-long goals and still feeling miserable about himself, brought unbearable despair and he tried to end his life.
He hated himself and his childhood history but he was taught and promised that he could overcome his past, could feel good about himself, IF he set some high goals and reached them.
But it didn't work for him and it won't work for you or me, because "you can never get enough of what you don't need."
Fortunately, this man got another chance and this time he focused on the inside rather than the outside and it worked.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
A RUT OR A GROOVE?
In frontier days, roadways often had signs that read, Pick Your Ruts Well– You'll be in them for the next 100 miles!
During relational therapy, I hear a lot of complaints about being in a rut, nothing ever changing, starting over again and again, only to end up back in the same old rut.
They identify totally with the sign, Pick your ruts well you'll be in them for the next 100 miles.
Why is that so? Why do we end up back in the same old ruts? Well, for starters, because we play the blame game, and we try to make changes by focusing on behavior rather than causes, and we deal with facts rather than feelings. It seldom works.
But it's an interesting thing how so many relationships that are in a rut have the potential to get in a groove. It takes some work but it may not be as far from a rut to a groove as you think.
During relational therapy, I hear a lot of complaints about being in a rut, nothing ever changing, starting over again and again, only to end up back in the same old rut.
They identify totally with the sign, Pick your ruts well you'll be in them for the next 100 miles.
Why is that so? Why do we end up back in the same old ruts? Well, for starters, because we play the blame game, and we try to make changes by focusing on behavior rather than causes, and we deal with facts rather than feelings. It seldom works.
But it's an interesting thing how so many relationships that are in a rut have the potential to get in a groove. It takes some work but it may not be as far from a rut to a groove as you think.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
PERFECTIONISM
Perfectionism seems to have reached epidemic proportions in our culture. Perfectionism isn't about doing things well-- it's about never being satisfied with how you do things and no matter what you do, it's never enough.
Perfectionism is seen in three modes.
Those who expect it of themselves but not others;
those who expect it of others but not themselves;
and those who expect it of themselves and others.
Our culture promotes it through education, athletics, and religion, as well as other avenues. But perfectionism is demonic and enormously destructive to individuals, marriages, children and families.
Perfectionism prevents peace of mind and contentment with living and is the underlying cause of much anxiety, depression and addictions.
The good news is, perfectionism is learned and with some good help, it can be unlearned.
Perfectionism is seen in three modes.
Those who expect it of themselves but not others;
those who expect it of others but not themselves;
and those who expect it of themselves and others.
Our culture promotes it through education, athletics, and religion, as well as other avenues. But perfectionism is demonic and enormously destructive to individuals, marriages, children and families.
Perfectionism prevents peace of mind and contentment with living and is the underlying cause of much anxiety, depression and addictions.
The good news is, perfectionism is learned and with some good help, it can be unlearned.
Dream On
Many people who come into therapy have unfinished grief work over broken dreams. Sometimes its a lost childhood, a marriage turned sour, a child gone astray, alienation from a parent, fired from a job, or loss of a career.
The list of broken dreams can be long and painful. The goal in therapy is always, two-fold: help in grieving the broken dream and help in retrieving the courage to dream again.
Sometimes the second phase is more difficult than the first. But if genuine healing occurs, you will not only heal from the loss but will take the risk of dreaming again.
Hubert White said it very well.
"I've dreamed many dreams that never came true, I've seen them vanish at dawn. But I've realized enough of my dreams, thank God, To make me keep dreaming on."
Therapy can help you dream again.
The list of broken dreams can be long and painful. The goal in therapy is always, two-fold: help in grieving the broken dream and help in retrieving the courage to dream again.
Sometimes the second phase is more difficult than the first. But if genuine healing occurs, you will not only heal from the loss but will take the risk of dreaming again.
Hubert White said it very well.
"I've dreamed many dreams that never came true, I've seen them vanish at dawn. But I've realized enough of my dreams, thank God, To make me keep dreaming on."
Therapy can help you dream again.
Better Late Than Never
Par for the course, when it comes to taking advantage of cyber space technology, I seem to be a day late and a dollar short. My brother-in-law, Jerry Kirkpatrick, once said I was like Fred Flintstone, still putting my feet down to stop my car. I said a very ugly word back to him but I knew in my heart he was right, which brings me to my main point-- This Blog. I've been told at least 100 times that I should start a blog so for whatever it's worth, here goes.
My effort at doing this is going to depend on you. I want to hear from you regarding what you'd like me to include in this space-- stories, maxims, life lessons, family stuff, self-help ideas? You tell me and I'll give it a try.
So, if better late than never is in fact true, then I'm on good footing. Let me hear from you.
dd
My effort at doing this is going to depend on you. I want to hear from you regarding what you'd like me to include in this space-- stories, maxims, life lessons, family stuff, self-help ideas? You tell me and I'll give it a try.
So, if better late than never is in fact true, then I'm on good footing. Let me hear from you.
dd
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