A PRAYER FOR THE NEW YEAR

God grant us this year a wider view,
So we see others' faults through the eyes of You.
Teach us to judge not with hasty tongue,
Neither the adult ... nor the young.

Give us patience and grace to endure
And a stronger faith so we feel secure.
Instead of remembering, help us forget
The irritations that caused us to fret.

Freely forgiving for some offence
And finding each day a rich recompense.
In offering a friendly, helping hand
And trying in all ways to understand;

That all of us whoever we are ...
Are trying to reach an unreachable star.
For the great and small ... the good and bad,
The young and old ... the sad and glad

Are asking today; Is life worth living?
The answer is only in, loving and giving.
For only Love can make man kind
And Kindness of Heart brings Peace of Mind.

By giving love, we can help this year
To lift the clouds of hate and fear.

Helen Steiner Rice

2010 REPORT CARD

As we begin 2011, how would you grade your 2010 report card? From 1-10, with 1 being the worst and 10 being the best, how would you grade yourself in the following areas and why?

Man/Woman_____

Son/Daughter_____

Husband/Wife_____

Father/Mother_____

Sibling_____

Grandfather/Grandmother_____

Career or whatever you call work_____

Overall rating regarding how you used your life in 2010_____

If you knew you only had a month to live, what would you try to do before you croaked?

If you died tonight, other than being dead!), what would be your greatest regret of 2010?

How would you like your epitaph to read?

Now that we’ve dealt with the 2010 Report Card and death issues, during the past year when did you FEEL the most alive?

NEW YEAR'S WISHES FOR SENIORS

May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastro-enterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber and the I.R.S.

May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.

May New Year's Eve find you seated around the table, together with your beloved family and cherished friends. May you find the food better, the environment quieter, the cost much cheaper, and the pleasure much more fulfilling than anything else you might ordinarily do that night.

May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them. May someone love you enough to forgive your faults, be blind to your blemishes, and tell the world about your virtues.

May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finish dinner, may the commercials on TV not be louder than the program you have been watching, and may your check book and your budget balance - and include generous amounts for charity.

May you remember to say "I love you" at least once a day to your spouse, your child, your parent, your siblings; but not to your secretary, your nurse, your masseuse, your hairdresser or your tennis instructor.

And may we live in a world at peace and with the awareness of God's love in every sunset, every flower's unfolding petals, every baby's smile, every lover's kiss, and every wonderful, astonishing, miraculous beat of our heart.

CHRISTMAS QUOTES

Do give books - religious or otherwise - for Christmas. They're never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal. Lenore Hershey

A good conscience is a continual Christmas. Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. Irish Proverb

At Christmas play and make good cheer, For Christmas comes but once a year. Thomas Tusser

Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. Matt Groening (1954 - ), The Simpsons

At Christmas I no more desire a rose
Than wish a snow in May's new-fangled mirth;
But like of each thing that in season grows.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616), Love's Labour Lost

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. Kin Hubbard (1868 - 1930)

Christmas is a holiday that persecutes the lonely, the frayed, and the rejected. Jimmy Cannon

Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird... a social being... capable of actual affection... nuzzling its young with almost human- like compassion. Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family... Berke Breathed, Bloom County Babylon

WORDS TO PONDER ON CHRISTMAS EVE

The most destructive habit? Worry.

The greatest joy? Giving.

The greatest loss? Loss of self-respect.

The most satisfying work? Helping others.

The ugliest personality trait? Self-centeredness.

The most endangered species? Dedicated leaders.

Our greatest natural resource? Our youth.

The greatest "shot in the arm"? Encouragement.

The greatest problem to overcome? Fear.

The most effective sleeping pill? Peace of mind.

The most crippling failure disease? Excuses.

The most powerful force in life? Love.

5 More Rules for Healthy Living

1. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her- believe them.

2. Perhaps the best advice your mother gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody!"

3. If you’re over 50, never pass up an opportunity to use the bathroom.

4. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

5. Living well really is the best revenge.

FIVES RULES FOR HEALTHY LIVING

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
2. Never go anywhere without WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
3. The four most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship– "I'm sorrry" and "You’re right." Just make sure you don't get it in reverse and say-- "You're sorry" and "I'm right!"
4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately– it's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

How About a Little Marital Humor...

NICKNAMES:
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains.

EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

OLD FRIENDS

Old Friends-
Pitchin' pennies in the park
Playin' croquette till it's dark
Old Friends.

Old Friends-
Swappin' lies of life and loves
Pitchin' popcorn to the doves
Old Friends.

Old Friends-
Lookin' up to watch a bird
Holdin' arms to climb a curb
Old Friends.

Old Friends-
Lord, when all my work is done
Bless my life, and grant me one
Old Friend.
Just one Old Friend.

Written by Roger Miller
Sung by Willie Nelson & Roger Miller

PUT THE GLASS DOWN

How heavy is a glass of water? Depending on the size of the glass-- maybe 20 grams, or maybe 500 grams? It does not matter on the absolute weight. It depends on how long you hold it.

If you hold it for a minute, it’s okay. If you hold it for an hour, you will have an ache in your arm. If you hold it for a day, somebody will have to call an ambulance. It is the exact same weight, but the longer it’s held, the heavier it becomes. What you have to do is to put the glass down, rest for a while before picking it up again.

Likewise, if we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, we will not be able to carry on because they become increasingly heavier. We have to put down the burden periodically, so that we can be refreshed and are able to carry on.

So, before the day is over, as the old spiritual says, "lay your burden down." You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burden you’re carrying on your shoulders, lay it down for a while. Pick it up again later when you’ve rested.

Rest and Relax.

Life is short, enjoy it!!

Broken Heart...

A broken heart keeps on beating just the same. (From) Fried Green Tomatoes

Happiness?

I'm only as happy as my unhappiest child. David Foster

A Little Humor From My Niece...

1. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

2. Was learning cursive really necessary?

3. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

4. Bad decisions make good stories.

5. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

6. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

7. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

Thanks KD

Little Known Facts...

The liquid (milk) inside young coconuts can be used as a substitude for blood plasms.

No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times.

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

The wing span on a Boeing 747 is longer than the Wright brothers first flight.

TOO GOOD NOT TO BE TRUE! (Author Unknown)

Jasper and the Unbaked Yeast Rolls

We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you, who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old child about whom you know nothing and committing to doing your best to be a good parent.

Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me.

Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I should tell you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress.

Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time.

I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend. I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house that worked, thus the assignment.

I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat Thurs am. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for a few hours. Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour. The rolls were ready to go in the oven.

It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated.

I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK, however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night.

God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.

We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog out to relieve himself. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and most of the time when he was walking his front half was going one direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction.

He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence.

His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed drunk.

He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol. Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day.

My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and I, we took off.

Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that's not the worst of it.

Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire trip to Karen's, thankful she didn't live any further away than she did.

Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without running into something. Of course, as the old adage goes, 'what goes in must come out' and Jasper was no exception.

Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen's house. Having discovered his 'packages' on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor.

This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor with stood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure.

We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn't degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too.

Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at Perry's sister's house.

I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door.

It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea. Now, I'm doing research on the computer as to: 'How to clean unbaked dough from the carpet.'

And how was your Thanksgiving Day?

More Thoughts For My Friends

We all take different paths in life, but no matter where
we go, we take a little of each other everywhere. * Tim McGraw

My father always used to say that when you die, if you've
got five real friends, then you've had a great life. *Lee Iacocca

Hold a true friend with both your hands." * Nigerian Proverb

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing
it back to you when you have forgotten the words.

Never let a small conflict ruin a friendship.

Random Thoughts For My Friends

"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a
hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without
you." * Winnie the Pooh

"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is
seldom known until it be lost." * Charles Caleb Colton

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the
world walks out."

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk
behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my
friend." * Albert Camus.

"Strangers are just friends waiting to happen."

"Friendship is one mind in two bodies." * Mencius

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."

"If you should die before me, ask if you could bring a
friend." * Stone Temple Pilots

"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay." *
Dave Matthews Band

"Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you
say. Best friends listen to what you don't say."

A Little Wisdom from George Carlin...

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend toorecklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.

We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

Aging Has Its Good Point

The older the violin the sweeter the music. From Lonesome Dove