1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
2. Never go anywhere without WD-40 and Duct Tape– If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
3. The four most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship– "I apologize" and "You’re right."
4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately– it's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.
6. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? Tomorrow?"
7. If you’re over 50, never pass up an opportunity to use the bathroom.
8. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
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