Truman Said It-- Capote, That Is...

In the introduction to his classic non-fiction novel, In Cold Blood.

"We all have our souls and we all have our facades, and then there's something in between that makes us function as people."

PARENTS GROW, TOO.

The growth and evolution of parents in multi-children families is quite interesting, remarkable, and at times down right humorous. Let me explain. If an honest confession is good for the soul, then I'll take my turn in the tank.

Let's start with the pictures that were made of our three children. Matt was born in 1964 and over the next four years, Martha and I made rolls of home movies of that little guy. I spliced them together and in our collection is at least two solid hours of Matt-- just Matt. Born four years later, we also made home movies of Leanne, but that reel is at best 45 minutes long. Chad came along four years later and we made a couple of snapshots of him with a box camera!!

Take illnesses. If Matt had the sniffles, we called the pediatrician. If Leanne had 102 fever, we gave her a cool bath and a baby aspirin and rocked her to sleep. If Chad swallowed a quarter, I took it out of his allowance!

Now, of course, you know none of the above is totally true but it does have an element of truth in it-- as parents grow with the process of parenting they become much more reasonable, relaxed, and confident.

So, to all you young parents, stay cool, it'll be alright. To all you older parents, tell those younger parents that what I've just said is true.

FIVE RULES FOR HEALTHY LIVING

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
2. Never go anywhere without WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
3. The four most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship– "I apologize" and "You’re right."
4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately– it's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

Funny Bones

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

BEING PREPARED

Vince Lombardi is often quoted as saying Winning isn’t everything, it's the only thing. But that’s a misquote, a bad misquote.

Lombardi’s emphasis was on being prepared to win as being the only way to play a game or do life. You put in everything that is required in order to win and then if you don’t it’s okay, or at least tolerable and you shorten the stroke and try again.

That means if you revive or retrieve your dream, you go into it this time determined to be prepared to win, to make it a reality.

A Little More Rodney...

My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I bought a waterbed and found a guy at the bottom of it.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the local restaurant I sat down and had broken leg of lamb.

My wife had her drivers test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.

I asked him, "Who said you could fool around with my wife?" He said, "Everybody."

I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.

My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

Rodney Dangerfield Classics

Life is just a bowl of pits.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt