A WORD FROM MARK TWAIN

“It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense."

REUNIONS

Every year summertime is filled with reunions-- High School, college, fraternities and sororities, athletic reunions and numerous others. But the biggest is the family reunion.

Being aware of several of these this summer, prompted me to ask myself, "What is a good reunion?" My conclusion? It's one when everybody has a reasonably good time and nobody gets their feelings hurt too badly and no one shows their behind too clearly. And best of all they only talk about each other on the way home!

Great Goal-- Hard to Attain

Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.

H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

A Quote from Martin Luther King

There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love.

Will I Live to See 80?

Recently, a woman picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, the doc said she was doing "fairly well" for being 63. A little concerned about that comment, she couldn't resist asking, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

The doc asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer,wine, or hard liquor?"
"Oh no," she replied. "And I don't do drugs, either!"

Then the doc asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"

"Very little," she replied... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"

"No, I don't."

"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"

"No," she replied with a smile.

That's when the doctor looked at her and said, "Then, why do you even give a s____?"

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE SENIORS

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120.

Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled
over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper got
out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch,
then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can
give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard--I'll
let you go."

The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a
Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.

MORE WIVES HUMOR

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who

should brew the coffee each morning..

The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,

and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.

The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and

you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee..'

Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee..'

Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home

and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him

at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM.. Wake up..'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece!