Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
home at $7000 per month.
My grandpa started walking
five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old
and we don't know where he is.
I like long walks,
especially when they are taken
by people who annoy me.
The only reason I would take up walking
is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
I joined a health club last year,
spent about 400 bucks.
Haven't lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there.
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
The advantage of exercising every day
is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'
If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise
the last few years,......
just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we get older,
because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
AND
Every time I start thinking too much
about how I look,
I just find a Happy Hour
and by the time I leave,
I look just fine.
=
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
A LITTLE CHILD SHALL LEAD THEM?!
THE FOLLOWING ARE RESPONSES GIVEN BY 1ST GRADERS WHO FILLED IN THE SECOND HALF TO SOME WELL KNOWN PROVERBS-- WELL, AT LEAST THEY ARE WELL-KNOWN TO US OLD FOLKS.
1. Don't change horses-- until they stop running.
2. Strike while the-- bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before-- Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of-- termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but-- How?
6. Don't bite the hand that-- looks dirty.
7. No news is-- impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a-- Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new-- Math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll-- stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust-- Me.
12. The pen is mightier than the-- pigs.
13. An idle mind-- is the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's-- pollution.
15. Happy the bride who-- gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is-- not much.
17. Two's company, three's-- the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow-- what you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh & the world laughs with you, cry and-- You have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as-- Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not-- spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed-- get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you-- See in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind-- get out of the way.
25. A bird in the hand-- is going to poop on you.
And the WINNER and last one!
26. Better late than-- pregnant.
1. Don't change horses-- until they stop running.
2. Strike while the-- bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before-- Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of-- termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but-- How?
6. Don't bite the hand that-- looks dirty.
7. No news is-- impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a-- Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new-- Math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll-- stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust-- Me.
12. The pen is mightier than the-- pigs.
13. An idle mind-- is the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's-- pollution.
15. Happy the bride who-- gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is-- not much.
17. Two's company, three's-- the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow-- what you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh & the world laughs with you, cry and-- You have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as-- Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not-- spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed-- get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you-- See in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind-- get out of the way.
25. A bird in the hand-- is going to poop on you.
And the WINNER and last one!
26. Better late than-- pregnant.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
ORIGIN OF MOTHER'S DAY
Mother's Day began by a man from Cleveland who hated his mother and intended to kill her but changed his mind for fear of being caught. NO NO NO. I just made that up!!!! Here's the real story.
****
Historical Antecedents
Mother's Day emerged from a custom of mother worship in ancient Greece, which kept a festival to Cybele, a great mother of Greek gods.{Encyclopædia Britannica|(1959)Vol.15,p. 849} This festival was held around the Vernal Equinox around Asia Minor and eventually in Rome itself from the Ides of March (15 March) to 18 March.
The ancient Romans also had another holiday, Matronalia, that was dedicated to Juno, though mothers were usually given gifts on this day.
In Europe there were several long standing traditions where a specific Sunday was set aside to honor motherhood and mothers such as Mothering Sunday. Mothering Sunday celebrations are part of the liturgical calendar in several Christian denominations, including Anglicans, and in the Catholic calendar is marked as Laetare Sunday, the fourth Sunday in Lent to honour the Virgin Mary and your "mother" church (the main church of the area). Historians think that children who served in houses were given a day off on that date so they could visit their families. The children would pick wild flowers along the way to place them on the church or to give them to their mothers as gifts.[1]
International Women's Day was celebrated for the first time in 28 February 1909, in the US,[2] by which time Anna Jarvis had already begun her national campaign in the US. It is now celebrated in many countries on March 8.
The "Mother's Day Proclamation" by Julia Ward Howe was one of the early calls to celebrate Mother's Day in the United States. Written in 1870, Howe's Mother's Day Proclamation was a pacifist reaction to the carnage of the American Civil War and the Franco-Prussian War. The Proclamation was tied to Howe's feminist belief that women had a responsibility to shape their societies at the political level.
Spelling
In 1912, Anna Jarvis trademarked the phrases "second Sunday in May" and "Mother's Day", and created the Mother's Day International Association.[3][4]
"She was specific about the location of the apostrophe; it was to be a singular possessive, for each family to honour their mother, not a plural possessive commemorating all mothers in the world."[3]
This is also the spelling used by U.S. President Woodrow Wilson in the law making official the holiday in the U.S., by the U.S. Congress on bills,[5][6] and by other U.S. presidents on their declarations.[7]
Common usage in English language also dictates that the ostensibly singular possessive "Mother's Day" is the preferred spelling, although "Mothers' Day" (plural possessive) is not unheard of.
Dates around the world
As the US holiday was adopted by other countries and cultures, the date was changed to fit already existing celebrations honouring motherhood, like Mothering Sunday in the UK or the Orthodox celebration of Jesus in the temple in Greece. In some countries it was changed to dates that were significant to the majority religion, like the Virgin Mary day in Catholic countries, or the birthday of the daughter of the Prophet Muhammad in Islamic countries. Other countries changed it to historical dates, like Bolivia using the date of a certain battle where women participated.[8] See the "International history and traditions" section for the complete list.
Note: Countries that celebrate the International Women's Day instead of Mother's Day are marked with a dagger '†'.[clarification needed]
*****
AND NOW YOU KNOW. BUT I SWEAR I THOUGHT HALLMARK DID THE WHOLE THING!
****
Historical Antecedents
Mother's Day emerged from a custom of mother worship in ancient Greece, which kept a festival to Cybele, a great mother of Greek gods.{Encyclopædia Britannica|(1959)Vol.15,p. 849} This festival was held around the Vernal Equinox around Asia Minor and eventually in Rome itself from the Ides of March (15 March) to 18 March.
The ancient Romans also had another holiday, Matronalia, that was dedicated to Juno, though mothers were usually given gifts on this day.
In Europe there were several long standing traditions where a specific Sunday was set aside to honor motherhood and mothers such as Mothering Sunday. Mothering Sunday celebrations are part of the liturgical calendar in several Christian denominations, including Anglicans, and in the Catholic calendar is marked as Laetare Sunday, the fourth Sunday in Lent to honour the Virgin Mary and your "mother" church (the main church of the area). Historians think that children who served in houses were given a day off on that date so they could visit their families. The children would pick wild flowers along the way to place them on the church or to give them to their mothers as gifts.[1]
International Women's Day was celebrated for the first time in 28 February 1909, in the US,[2] by which time Anna Jarvis had already begun her national campaign in the US. It is now celebrated in many countries on March 8.
The "Mother's Day Proclamation" by Julia Ward Howe was one of the early calls to celebrate Mother's Day in the United States. Written in 1870, Howe's Mother's Day Proclamation was a pacifist reaction to the carnage of the American Civil War and the Franco-Prussian War. The Proclamation was tied to Howe's feminist belief that women had a responsibility to shape their societies at the political level.
Spelling
In 1912, Anna Jarvis trademarked the phrases "second Sunday in May" and "Mother's Day", and created the Mother's Day International Association.[3][4]
"She was specific about the location of the apostrophe; it was to be a singular possessive, for each family to honour their mother, not a plural possessive commemorating all mothers in the world."[3]
This is also the spelling used by U.S. President Woodrow Wilson in the law making official the holiday in the U.S., by the U.S. Congress on bills,[5][6] and by other U.S. presidents on their declarations.[7]
Common usage in English language also dictates that the ostensibly singular possessive "Mother's Day" is the preferred spelling, although "Mothers' Day" (plural possessive) is not unheard of.
Dates around the world
As the US holiday was adopted by other countries and cultures, the date was changed to fit already existing celebrations honouring motherhood, like Mothering Sunday in the UK or the Orthodox celebration of Jesus in the temple in Greece. In some countries it was changed to dates that were significant to the majority religion, like the Virgin Mary day in Catholic countries, or the birthday of the daughter of the Prophet Muhammad in Islamic countries. Other countries changed it to historical dates, like Bolivia using the date of a certain battle where women participated.[8] See the "International history and traditions" section for the complete list.
Note: Countries that celebrate the International Women's Day instead of Mother's Day are marked with a dagger '†'.[clarification needed]
*****
AND NOW YOU KNOW. BUT I SWEAR I THOUGHT HALLMARK DID THE WHOLE THING!
Quotes about Mothers
A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. ~Tenneva Jordan
Hundreds of dewdrops to greet the dawn,
Hundreds of bees in the purple clover,
Hundreds of butterflies on the lawn,
But only one mother the wide world over.
~George Cooper
Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs... since the payment is pure love. ~Mildred B. Vermont
The sweetest sounds to mortals given
Are heard in Mother, Home, and Heaven.
~William Goldsmith Brown
A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. ~Peter De Vries
If the whole world were put into one scale, and my mother in the other, the whole world would kick the beam. ~Lord Langdale (Henry Bickersteth)
Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever. ~Author Unknown
The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh
All mothers are working mothers. ~Author Unknown
When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.
~Sophia Loren, Women and Beauty
Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible. ~Marion C. Garretty
Mother - that was the bank where we deposited all our hurts and worries.
~T. DeWitt Talmage
A mother is a mother still,
The holiest thing alive.
~Samuel Taylor Coleridge
The real religion of the world comes from women much more than from men - from mothers most of all, who carry the key of our souls in their bosoms.
~Oliver Wendell Holmes
God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
A mother understands what a child does not say. ~Author Unknown
I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life. ~Abraham Lincoln
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
Woman in the home has not yet lost her dignity, in spite of Mother's Day, with its offensive implication that our love needs an annual nudging, like our enthusiasm for the battle of Bunker Hill. ~John Erskine
Women's Liberation is just a lot of foolishness. It's the men who are discriminated against. They can't bear children. And no one's likely to do anything about that. ~Golda Meir
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories. ~John Wilmot
You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back. ~William D. Tammeus
Hundreds of dewdrops to greet the dawn,
Hundreds of bees in the purple clover,
Hundreds of butterflies on the lawn,
But only one mother the wide world over.
~George Cooper
Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs... since the payment is pure love. ~Mildred B. Vermont
The sweetest sounds to mortals given
Are heard in Mother, Home, and Heaven.
~William Goldsmith Brown
A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. ~Peter De Vries
If the whole world were put into one scale, and my mother in the other, the whole world would kick the beam. ~Lord Langdale (Henry Bickersteth)
Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever. ~Author Unknown
The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh
All mothers are working mothers. ~Author Unknown
When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.
~Sophia Loren, Women and Beauty
Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible. ~Marion C. Garretty
Mother - that was the bank where we deposited all our hurts and worries.
~T. DeWitt Talmage
A mother is a mother still,
The holiest thing alive.
~Samuel Taylor Coleridge
The real religion of the world comes from women much more than from men - from mothers most of all, who carry the key of our souls in their bosoms.
~Oliver Wendell Holmes
God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
A mother understands what a child does not say. ~Author Unknown
I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life. ~Abraham Lincoln
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
Woman in the home has not yet lost her dignity, in spite of Mother's Day, with its offensive implication that our love needs an annual nudging, like our enthusiasm for the battle of Bunker Hill. ~John Erskine
Women's Liberation is just a lot of foolishness. It's the men who are discriminated against. They can't bear children. And no one's likely to do anything about that. ~Golda Meir
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories. ~John Wilmot
You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back. ~William D. Tammeus
Friday, May 7, 2010
Five Rules for Healthy Living
1. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her- believe them.
2. Perhaps the best advice your mother gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody!"
3. If you’re over 50, never pass up an opportunity to use the bathroom.
4. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
5. Living well really is the best revenge.
2. Perhaps the best advice your mother gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody!"
3. If you’re over 50, never pass up an opportunity to use the bathroom.
4. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
5. Living well really is the best revenge.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Quotes from the Kite Runner
"It’s hard to love somebody who sees the world as black and white, without also fearing them.”
“I know it doesn’t absolve anyone of anything, but the Kabul we lived in in those days was a strange world, one in which some things mattered more than the truth.”
“Sometimes, I think everything he did, feeding the poor on the streets, building the orphanage, giving money to friends in need, it was all his way of redeeming himself. And that, I believe, is what true redemption, is, Amir jan, when guilt leads to good."
"Perspective was a luxury when your head was constantly buzzing with a swarm of demons.”
“I thought of a line I’d read somewhere, or maybe I’d heard someone say it: There are a lot of children in Afghanistan, but little childhood.”
“I know it doesn’t absolve anyone of anything, but the Kabul we lived in in those days was a strange world, one in which some things mattered more than the truth.”
“Sometimes, I think everything he did, feeding the poor on the streets, building the orphanage, giving money to friends in need, it was all his way of redeeming himself. And that, I believe, is what true redemption, is, Amir jan, when guilt leads to good."
"Perspective was a luxury when your head was constantly buzzing with a swarm of demons.”
“I thought of a line I’d read somewhere, or maybe I’d heard someone say it: There are a lot of children in Afghanistan, but little childhood.”
Monday, May 3, 2010
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