No Matter Who You Are, That's Funny!

Ten Mark Twain Zingers

Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.

The report of my death was an exaggeration.

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.

Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

FROM SOCRATES HIMSELF

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Death may be the greatest of all human blessings.

Envy is the ulcer of the soul.

The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance.

The unexamined life is not worth living.

THE SEARCH FOR PEACE OF MIND

Many people who come to see me for intensive therapy totally identify with this song. Written by Bono and released by U2 in 1987, it's still extremely relevant. After reading the lyrics, check out YouTube and listen to this haunting search for purpose and passion in life.

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

I have climbed highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you

I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well yes I'm still running

You broke the bonds and you
Loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Of my shame
You know I believed it
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

WORDS OF A FIRST GRADER

"When the blind leadeth the blind... somebody's gonna get hurt!"

A LITTLE CHILD SHALL LEAD THEM... (A Very Personal Story)

Martha and I are extremely fortunate to have seven wonderful grandchildren who teach us more and more about life, living, and the pursuit of happiness. (Wish I had been much wiser when raising their parents! But that's another story.) Two of our grandkids are five-year-old twin boys who attend public school kindergarten in a racially mixed class.

A few nights ago as their dad was lying down with them before bed, Ty asks, "Dad, Wanda (an African American child,not her real name) says black and white people don't like each other, is that true?" Kelly not knowing replies, "Is Wanda black?" Colby replies, "No." Then Kelly asks, "Are there any black kids in your class?" Ty,answers "No." Then thinking about it he says, "There are some brown ones but no black ones." Kelly smiles from ear to ear and says "good night" to his twin boys who've never been taught any form of racial prejudice. He goes downstairs and tells Leanne and they cherish the moment.

Leanne knows Wanda's mother who is a nurse in another school where Leanne does psychotherapy with troubled children. So, she decides to tell the story to Wanda's mother, who laughs just as much as Leanne, and then replies in this awesome manner. "Leanne, Wanda doesn't know she's black. We've never told her!"

Later that evening, Leanne decides to follow-up with the boys and asks, "Remember that conversation you had with dad about black, white, and brown kids in your class? They nod. "Are there any white kids in your class?" Both reply, "No." Then she says, "Are you white?" Both say, "No." "What color are you?" Colby, pulls up the sleeve on his shirt and replies, "Tan."

On my God in heaven may they never learn that they are white and may Wanda never learn that she's black. And better yet, may we learn from these five-year-olds that all prejudices are LEARNED and then remember that everything that is LEARNED CAN BE UNLEARNED. Please God, please.

2009 REPORT CARD

As you begin 2010 how would you grade your 2009 report card? From 1-10, with 1 being the worst and 10 being the best, how would you grade yourself in the following areas and why?

Man/Woman_____

Son/Daughter_____

Husband/Wife_____

Father/Mother_____

Sibling_____

Grandfather/Grandmother_____

Career or whatever you call work_____

Overall rating regarding how you used your life in 2009_____

If you knew you only had a month to live, what would you try to do before you croaked?

If you died tonight, other than being dead!), what would be your greatest regret of 2009?

How would you like your epitaph to read?

Now that we’ve dealt with the 2009 Report Card and death issues, during the past year when did you FEEL the most alive?