Ralph Waldo Emerson Said It...

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Ancient Chinese Proverb

When the student is ready, the TEACHER will arise.

NEVER STOP LAUGHING

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she
replied. 'Two years older than me' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is
the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked. She simply
replied, 'No peer pressure.'

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half
blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40
different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly
feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have
lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I
decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted,
gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the
time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she
had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. 'Wal-Mart?' the
preacher exclaimed. 'Why Wal-Mart?' 'Then I'll be sure my
daughters visit me twice a week'

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as
sharp as it used to be.

THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I
never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.

Always Remember This: You don't stop laughing
because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing

TOP TEN WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) "Fine": This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) "Five Minutes": If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) "Nothing": This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in "fine."

(4) "Go Ahead": This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) "Loud Sigh": Actually this is not a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) "That's Okay": This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

( 7) "Thanks": Reply "You're welcome." (However, a word of caution-- this is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' which means she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'-- that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) "Whatever": Is a woman's way of saying "*$^@-- YOU!"

(9) "Don't worry about it, I got it.": Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

(10) "Do you think I'm your mother?!" Do not reply to this one at all. Pretend to be having a heart attack and whisper "Call 9-1-1."

CHANGE

Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.

King Whitney Jr.

Deliberate Living

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.

Henry David Thoreau, Walden (1854)

HAVE YOU QUIT DREAMING?

A father and his 20-year-old son were riding down the Interstate; the boy was driving. They passed a Cadillac SUV Sport Escalade– that’s the one that looks like a tank and sells for about 50k. Son said, “That’s what I want– right there– and I’m gonna get me one.”

Dad says, “What? Do you know how much those things cost? You’re not out of college. You don’t even have a job. That’s absurd to talk about buying a vehicle like that.”

It was quiet for a moment and then son said, “Dad, do you know what your problem is? You don’t even recognize dreaming when you hear it.”

Dad had quit dreaming a long time ago and didn’t want anyone around him to do it either.


How about you?