Great Goal-- Hard to Attain

Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.

H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

A Quote from Martin Luther King

There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love.

Will I Live to See 80?

Recently, a woman picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, the doc said she was doing "fairly well" for being 63. A little concerned about that comment, she couldn't resist asking, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

The doc asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer,wine, or hard liquor?"
"Oh no," she replied. "And I don't do drugs, either!"

Then the doc asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"

"Very little," she replied... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"

"No, I don't."

"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"

"No," she replied with a smile.

That's when the doctor looked at her and said, "Then, why do you even give a s____?"

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE SENIORS

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120.

Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled
over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper got
out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch,
then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can
give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard--I'll
let you go."

The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a
Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.

MORE WIVES HUMOR

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who

should brew the coffee each morning..

The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,

and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.

The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and

you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee..'

Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee..'

Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'

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The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home

and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him

at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM.. Wake up..'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


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God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece!

HUMOR FOR THE WIVES

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,

the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'

'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

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WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day.... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to
men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

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CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time...

'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

LET FREEDOM RING

Then join hand in hand, brave Americans all!
By uniting we stand, by dividing we fall. ~John Dickinson

We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it. ~William Faulkner

My God! How little do my countrymen know what precious blessings they are in possession of, and which no other people on earth enjoy!
~Thomas Jefferson

What is the essence of America? Finding and maintaining that perfect, delicate balance between freedom "to" and freedom "from."
~Marilyn vos Savant

How often we fail to realize our good fortune in living in a country where happiness is more than a lack of tragedy. ~Paul Sweeney

From every mountain side
Let Freedom ring. ~Samuel F. Smith, "America"

Erma Bombeck On Independence Day

You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism. ~Erma Bombeck